Ruined Chicken Dinner
What you’ll need:
Expensive chicken
Expensive swanky BBQ sauce
Expensive swanky spice rub
Expensive natural charcoal
Cheap-ass Webber kettle grill
What you should do:
- Start by doing something smart like baking the huge chicken breast in the oven for 30 minutest first
- Use too many coals, pour them into the grill while they’re still too hot
- Put the pre-cooked breast and raw wings on the grill after rubbing with spices and basting with sauce
- Observe fire and smoke that leap from the lava-hot coals, try in vain to move the chicken around as fast as possible while choking on the smoke
- Fail to find cool spots to cook chicken without burning it. Lava is everywhere
- Watch your dinner burn as long as you can stand it, then pull it off the grill as if you’re actually going to eat it
What you get:
Chicken burned to a black crisp on the outside and not really done on the inside.
On the up side the broccoli salad turned out great and you can’t burn booze. Well, I mean, you can but you have to work at it.

Hey, that weber grill has made some fantastic meals. Don’t act like you can’t cook. Plus, a bit of salmonella is good for you. It cleans out your insides.
Hey, I know that recipe!
I failed at browning beef.
Not over a fire I started with my own bare hands.
Over a stove. In a pan.
I also both undercooked and burned brownies.
The same brownies.